The Bagel AU
by Peanut-Butter-Bandit
Summary: Crack. Diakko as bagels
1. That's all folks

Akko danced around the plate, as usual, ignoring the slight trail of honey nut spread left in her wake.

Dianna watched for as long as she could stand before stopping her, "If you dance too wildly you'll lose all of your cream cheese."

"But I'll still be delicious!" Akko joked, knowing that she'd be just a plain bagel again. She couldn't help herself, sharing her sweetness with the world was what she wanted to do!

"You sure will," Diana said, almost to herself. It amazed her still at how far Akko had come. When she first came to Luna Toasta, she was untoasted and naive but overbearing in her determination. Looking at her now, come into her own….. It made Diana wish that Akko was a cinnamon raisin bagel too. That way her family might accept them. Them? Akko intruded into her thoughts and her personal space.

"You zoned out there, what are you thinking about?" Akko was so close the honey nut spread almost touched Diana's pristine plain cream cheese.

Laughing nervously, Diana tries to think of something to say other than the truth. It comes out anyway, "You."

The one word seemed to change Akko's entire attitude and….

"Jasminka? Jasminka, are you in here?" Amanda's voice travels through the door, and Jasminka hears her loud confident footsteps accompanied by Constanze's rapid ones.


	2. You've made me a liar

_Well some of you asked for more. Enjoy._

The rest of the green team opens the door, catching Jasminka with bagels poised to kiss, and that's when they find another group-bonding activity.

Constanze prefers shakespearean inspired tragedies enacted with surprisingly emotive stan-bots. Amanda draws a relatively amusing comic. Jasminka plays with her food.

The common theme? A certain oblivious pair stars in every iteration.

"What's the least-accurate food you've ever used?" The idea fascinates Amanda.

Jasminka shrugs. "Clams." She takes a bite out of Diana.

Amanda and Constanze share a brief look of horror before Jasminka realizes. She giggles, finishes that bagel, and picks up the other half of the cinnamon raisin bagel and grabs the plain cream cheese.

"Wait!" Jasminka knows that sparkle in Amanda's eyes. "Butch Diana."

Constanze and Jasminka look at her in confusion.

"Butch. Diana."

The still-confused duo share a look.

"Ugh, one sec." Amanda flips a page in her sketchbook and begins scribbling.

When she finishes the rendering of Diana with short hair the others understand. Constanze dazedly mimics a snipping motion with her fingers.

Inspired, Jasminka puts only a thin layer of cream cheese on Diana this time, emphasizing the swirl pattern left by the knife.

* * *

"Diana?" Akko's voice wobbles uncertainly.

The cinnamon raisin bagel refuses to turn around. "No, don't look at me."

"But why?" The rejection, however impersonal since Diana had been avoiding _everyone_ , still hurt.

The naked pain in Akko's voice is what gets Diana to turn. "Akko?"

She nearly swoons. Diana's pristine, white cream cheese, usually piled atop her golden cinnamon raisin swirl… it's...

"Diana?" she can't help the breathy quality of her voice, brain short-circuiting.

Akko stays in place as Diana approaches.

"There wasn't enough cream cheese this morning." Diana is never _nervous_ , but Akko has nothing else to describe her now.

"But you look great!" In her exuberance to reassure Diana, Akko brushes her lightly with her honey nut spread.

Diana gasps softly, the sweet scent filling her senses, it makes her wobble-y. With Akko's confidence, part of her anxieties melt away. She tilts to show off her shorter topping. "Really?"

"Yeah."

The two didn't move from their positions, enjoying the closeness and not wanting it to end.

"How do bagels kiss?" Amanda just had to ruin the beautiful moment.

Jasminka glares at her. Constanze holds up a sign, 'Who knows?'

AN:

If any of you can answer that question then you might inspire another chapter. This fic is so crack it's illegal.


	3. I wrote this Drunk As A Skunk

There wonce was a bagel.

It ownwed a coffeee shop.

On theat cofee shop anohwrr bagel qorken.

ANd tath bael loved a nother bagel gthat came in everhyth day.

THAe bagel that came in every day was named akko.

Sjhe loved Dianan the bagel that was always on duty.,

A d dIa na loved was alway s so pretty and kiind and liked to aks her what she felt. And so they began a rfinedship. anAD THAT DFriendshp[ developed int o a blossonming flower tat Diana didn't nitica until it was too late and she loved akko.

And then she realized she oculdnt live without akko. And akko ditdnt visti the sshpp for some reason andn diana was sad.

When diana was sad she spent the tiime thinking 0fo akop. And hoe she would like to cheer her up. And so when she wans allowed she tarakced akko down and kissed her. ANd she kisedher a lot. And akko was convinced htat diana loved her.

And since diana lvoed her she felt ab le to axk her t a date. And hre date was very good.

Ahdn since yyhr dfate was good

TYhey kissed at the nd. And bagels kiss by sibvvdlign up to each other and touching theiir doughy exteriors to each other. If u touch full on with the hair then u are having sex and gthtat is not allowed

Sunce their date was very good. GThey decided to ahve another datemand tatrh date was very good. They sat clse to each other and talked ab out their love for each other.

The thired date gtheuy had didfficulty. Diana confessed thatr her famihy wuld not apprive of akko and akko did not like his. Akko was so updet she wanted diana to apologize. FInaa refudsed to apoloigixze for her famiy since she could not control gyhem. And so akko was sasd and refused fourth darte. And so Diana was rediuced to drastic measures.

The drasticv measure were that Diana avoided akko and her entourage. So Akko was forced to confroont her. BAd congfrot her. And Akkop Did..

The confrontatioj led to their first taste of each otehr where Diana iinsisted hat she was not cincerwd with akkos social sanding. And fo akoo kissed her and convinced er with her loce that akko was ready to face their future together.

And so they made bagel s do. WIht lots of kissing and care,

And they loves asch other so much that theyu were bmairried onlyu days later and akko and Diana lived happily every after.


End file.
